Living A Life Worthy Of A Legacy At Any Age

What do you text the father, a good friend, who I’d just learned had lost his 17-year-old son the previous night?

“I don’t have the words. Praying. Anything at all, we’re here for you.”

Father and son fishing
GETTY

I’d spent the previous hour hearing the news, breaking down, sharing the news with my wife and then my sons, breaking down, calling other parents who’d want to get to their kids before they learned in the middle of class, breaking down.

No, a text won’t do. Not in this case, not in this moment. They only live a few blocks away. So began the most painful walk my wife and I have undertaken, to a front door that we didn’t want to open, to see the face of a father and mother still stunned by the worst news a parent can receive.

Thus, we were initiated into a holy cycle of hugging, crying, story-telling, laughing and loving that culminated with a service—the day before Mother’s Day—celebrating Logan Janik’s life, as over 800 family and friends graduated into a new, dimmer reality.

Throughout this cycle, as I grew to know Logan much better through the intersecting narratives, the pervasive thought that stuck was that this young man had left more of a legacy in 17 short years than most leave after a statistical lifetime

And no, these are not the mere musings of a mourner struggling with recent loss. Logan lived his life embodying a few commonly known but uncommonly exhibited traits that, if emulated, would help all of us live a life worthy of a legacy:

First, he made a habit of sharing his self-confidence with those who might lack it. Logan was a six-foot-two, 210-pound athlete with an enviable head of hair and an inimitable smile—the first word that came to mind both as his most memorable feature and the expression he most often inspired.

When my son first stepped foot on the campus of what has now become his high school—attended by over 4,000 students—he was an unsure eighth grader attempting to make the JV lacrosse team. I have no doubt that his attempt was successful in part thanks to Logan, then a seasoned sophomore, who insisted on driving my son to and from practice.

This rhythm continued as my son began his freshman year—Logan’s junior year—causing my wife and I to wonder, “What 11th-grader risks his popularity on an unrelated freshman?” But unlike most of us, even as adults, Logan didn’t see his personal confidence and credibility as an exhaustible resource. He spent it freely, not choosing to invest it only in those who’d provide a relational ROI, but more so in those who really needed it.

Second, Logan spoke words of affirmation. Such words can feel empty when actions don’t coincide, but there was no such incongruence here. For instance, my son wasn’t the only freshman beneficiary of Logan’s encouragement—another young man remembered Logan’s final words to him when, picking him out of a crowd, he simply said, “You’re my favorite goalie.”

In an age where so many affirmations come in the form of “Likes” worth little more than the click they require, a single, timely, genuine word of encouragement can buoy us when we fail and shape us when we succeed.

Finally, Logan extracted a redeeming reality out of circumstances that would waylay most. More succinctly, he was a glass-half-full kid who chose to find the best in both people and situations. 

Of his passions in life, lacrosse may have been the foremost. But despite being an imposing athlete and an ideal teammate, he didn’t always make the team he tried out for, especially at his 4,000-student high school. “He handled it better than I did,” his father told me, when he missed the final cut for varsity.

We would all be disappointed, as Logan was, but our natural tendency is often to cast external blame and protect our vulnerability through embitterment. Logan did neither, and in retrospect, it also gave him the opportunity to play his final season of lacrosse alongside his younger brother, celebrating another high school league championship together just days before Logan’s passing.

Helping came naturally to Logan—but it doesn’t to most of us. We live in a time and place where crafting our individual narrative and boosting our resume is sadly very much a part of adulthood. The perception machine is always cranking, and the very design of “friending” and “connecting” is to pad our own stats and build our own credibility.

Spending time, effort, and social or professional capital, therefore, is seen as the domain solely of the untouchable philanthropist who has acquired more than it appears possible to spend in multiple lifetimes.

“I’ll give back when [fill in the blank],” seems a sensible refrain. But Logan’s example reminds us that our “when” may never come, and that we do not have to wait on an estate to build a legacy. Material riches are not required to make an investment in time or influence.

But if altruism isn’t enough motivation, there’s also a pragmatic case to be made. Helping others—without any expectation of reciprocity—is an entirely valid strategy for those (read: most) of us who are still in the accumulation phase of building a meaningful life, personally and professionally. Indeed, it is the premise of Adam Grant’s book, Give and Take: Why Helping Others Drives Our Success, and the inspiration for his weekly productivity routine:

I try to start every week with three things that I want to accomplish that I care about. And then three ways that I want to help other people. And that’s the compass for the week. I’ll plan my whole schedule around those things.

Adam Grant

As I’ve been stumbling my way through Logan’s loss, I found myself asking a question about the equity of my accomplishment/helping ratio:

How much more of an impact could I have if I followed through on my best intentions, specifically relating to helping, affirming and building-up others versus striving toward my own accomplishments?

Would you consider asking the same question?

Consider allowing yourself, as I have been, to be humbled and inspired and challenged by a kid, an “old soul,” whose legacy will extend long beyond his life.

In loving memory of Logan Michael Janik: December 6, 2001 – May 7, 2019

You know you should have a will–but WHY?

Originally published CNBCYou’ve surely heard the sad news that music legend Prince has died, and you likely caught the fact that he did so without leaving a will. This high-profile case of apparent negligence has rekindled the collective finger wagging over having the correct estate planning documents. But the question remains—WHY?

I had the opportunity to answer this question recently on the Today show, but I wanted to further explore the topic in the hope of providing some additional, actionable clarity:

WHY NOT?

Statistics suggest that a majority of Americans don’t have a will. And, after reading hundreds of these documents, I’ve found that even most people who do have a will have one with sub-optimal language they don’t understand.

Why don’t we do a great job planning for our death?

Estate/Legacy App

This is the 14th exercise in a series designed to walk you through an entire financial plan.  The exercise is embedded in an Excel spreadsheet you can download and save for personal use.  You can read the backdrop for the exercise HERE, or just jump right in with the instructions given below:

You’re creating a legacy whether you want to or not, and purposing yourself to make that a story filled with meaning isn’t a box to be checked off, but a different way of living.  And while your estate and your estate plan is merely a part of the legacy you’ll leave, it’s certainly an important part, and we’ve developed an app to help you do that.

Begin or revisit your personal estate plan by completing the Legacy Plan exercise.  Included is an estate checklist to ensure you have the necessary documents updated with the appropriate provisions inside of them.  As you work through the process of getting your documents in line with your Personal Principles, develop your survivor guide which should accompany your estate-planning documents to provide additional details of your wishes to those you leave behind.  You’ll find this downloadable booklet app by clicking HERE.

Incidentally, my coauthor, Jim Stovall, has changed the way millions of readers, and Lord knows how many moviegoers, understand the word legacy through his book, and subsequent movie, The Ultimate Gift.  If you haven’t read it yet, I encourage you to do so.  It is a fast, refreshing read that acts as a great launching point for a legacy plan going well beyond the numbers.

For those who are encouraged to take additional steps to ensure they leave a legacy, not just an estate, the themes exhibited in The Ultimate Gift are now available as tools you can find at www.theultimategift.com.

And of course, you can also read more on the topic in the book Jim and I co-authored, The Ultimate Financial Plan.

The Most Important Love Letters You’ll Ever Write

Originally in ForbesYou don’t want to write estate planning documents because you don’t love meditating on the prospect of your own death.  Sure, you might think you’re mature enough to face that eventuality and plan responsibly to care for anyone or anything you might leave behind.  But even if you’re perfectly cognizant of your own mortality and confident of a secured eternity north of the border, you may not rank a discussion on splitting up your worldly assets and responsibilities with an attorney particularly high.

But your estate planning documents aren’t for you.  Think of them as the most important love letters you’ll ever write.  Find inspiration in knowing that you’re caring for the people and causes you love, even if you’re not here anymore.

The most important recommendation in every financial plan is successful completion of thoughtfully prepared estate planning documents.  So, no matter your age (unless you’re still a minor), marital status or net worth, you need to be considering how to write your WILL, DURABLE POWER OF ATTORNEY and ADVANCE DIRECTIVES.

Here is an estate planning crash course in the form of three videos addressing each primary document in under 90 seconds.  Enjoy!  (Then, act.)

 How to Create a Will in 90 Seconds or Less

 

How to Create a Durable Power of Attorney in 90 Seconds or Less

 

How to Create Advance Directives in 90 Seconds or Less

The Most Important Financial Planning Recommendation

Estate_planningWhen I say, “Financial Planning,” it’s altogether likely that the first thing that comes to your mind is either INVESTMENTS or INSURANCE.  And while each of those disciplines are fundamental and foundational to every good financial plan, it is easy for me to say that the most important recommendation that I see in most financial plans does not fall under either of those categories, but instead, in the realm of estate planning.

And, of course, the first thing that comes to mind when I mention stuff like wills, powers of attorney and advance directives is, “Oh, yeah, I know I need to do that.”  You’re in good company if you haven’t; over 80% of people don’t have these documents, and most of those who do, have insufficient or outdated documents.  Why is it, then, that I could suggest that the MOST IMPORTANT recommendations in your financial plan fall under the heading of estate planning?

First, if you have minor children and haven’t yet created wills (or you have children who’ve blessed you with grandchildren), you should stop whatever you’re doing and purpose yourself to contacting an estate planning attorney to get these documents drafted immediately.  Ordinarily, I try to avoid using such dramatic words as best, most and immediately, but I’m not exaggerating here!  The reason this is so important if you have minor children is because you stipulate in your will who the GUARDIAN would be for your children in the case that you and your spouse are both… gone.  Sure, the probability of that happening is very low, but if you don’t determine who should raise your children in your absence through a will, your state of residence will decide for you!

Second, whether you just became a legal adult or have recently gained access into the centenarian club, the time is likely to come when you’ll need someone else to help you with a financial or health decision because you’re unable (through a disability) or unavailable (you’re settling on a house and are out-of-town for business).  You can clear up exactly how these things would be handled with a well written power of attorney document and advance directives.  The former allows someone else to act on your behalf in financial matters; the latter, in decisions surrounding healthcare or end-of-life decisions (like the tragic Terri Schiavo case).

Third, of the very few things you can count on as certainty in this life is that your stay here on Earth will eventually come to an end.  So even if you’ve made definitive plans to join the prophet Elijah, who reportedly left the planet on a chariot of fire sometime around 800 B.C., you’ll likely be leaving someone (and something) behind when you go.  Deliberating over what you intend to leave behind—both monetarily and otherwise—may be seen as not only an opportunity, but an obligation for a life-well-lived.

So why do you think people have a tendency NOT to check-off this big to-do item of having solid estate planning documents created?  People have a tendency to avoid conversations about their own demise, as though they might attract it sooner.  Instead, I encourage you to see this as an incredible opportunity!  Whether your 20 or 120, I encourage you not just to leave an estate, but a legacy.

For more information on HOW to put together a proper estate plan, you’ll find a more detailed explanation in Chapter Sixteen of THE FINANCIAL CROSSROADS.

For more information on WHY, enjoy my CROSSROADS co-author, Jim Stovall’s, best-selling novel, THE ULTIMATE GIFT.