Category Archives: Life Planning

For Love, Not Money

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“I commit to nurturing a gratifying relationship with money.”

In the twittersphere, I saw this seemingly noble resolution dart by last week.  I subverted my urge to question it in under 140 characters, but with no such limit here, I’d like to engage this notion that I believe to be fundamentally flawed and potentially dangerous in our quest for personal and financial harmony.

I’m sure this blogger/tweeter, a self-described expert on women’s financial dealings, is well-intended, even when she invites you to “Love your money, love your life,” on her home page.  Reading through her prescriptions, I have no doubt we share many personal financial philosophies; indeed, it is not my intent to start a feud or initiate a personal attack, but instead to take issue with this philosophy I’ve often seen at work in many forums, even if I’m to be accused of merely mincing words.

Money is not something worthy of our love and affection, nor is it a suitable partner in relationship.

Relationship is—or at least should be—reserved for people and love is the currency of relationship.  Money when personified is given too much credit; it becomes an end instead of a means.  Of course, it often is the object of our love, admiration and respect.  Possibly we think that if we address it properly, it will find us worthy of financial favor and bless us with…more?  But not unlike other inappropriate relationships, a love of money often devolves into fantasy, obsession, lust and eventually infidelity.

Your primary relationships in life—your significant other or spouse, your children, your parents and siblings, your friends, your co-workers and co-laborers in service—can’t compete with money.  This is because genuine relationship requires give and take and money appears on its surface only to give, without argument, criticism or judgment. It’s no wonder, then, that with over 50% of marriages ending in divorce over half of those splits cite financial disputes as their origin.  It’s no wonder children manipulate their parents for money and parents cut children out of wills.  It’s no wonder siblings ostracize one another over inheritance, that business partnerships collapse and non-profit initiatives are scarred by financial scandal.  When given an opportunity to compete with people for relationship, money wins.

Therefore, we must never allow money to compete with or for relationship. 

This also appears to be in keeping with money’s design, even in its most primitive form.  The long-held presumption was that money came about as a wildcard in the realm of trade.  Let’s say we’re part of an economy based on the barter system; I’m a farmer who makes dairy products and you’re the village tailor.  You’d like some cheese, but my wife is also gifted with the needle, so I have no need for your services.  You’re out of luck.  Enter money.  You give me money for cheese, and I can use the money to pay the blacksmith for some much needed horseshoes.

This theory has been called into question, though.  Some economists argue that while this may sound logical, actual examples of the barter wildcard are nonexistent.  They claim that money was used more as an I.O.U.  You have something I need, but I have no way to compensate you, so money serves instead as a marker of what is owed—debt, effectively.  While the meaning or importance of money’s origin could be argued, one thing is clear in either of these cases: money was designed to enhance relationship, not stand as its replacement.

And that is no different today.  While money may serve very poorly as the object of our adoration, it is quite effective as a tool for its expression.  Certainly, in suggesting money is not worthy of our love, I by no means intend to imply that it is inherently bad or evil, just neutral.  As my friend and co-author, Jim Stovall, puts so nicely, “Nothing can take the place of money in the things that money does, but outside of the scope where money is useful, it has no value.”

Mincing words?  I think not.  Words are powerful.  Our words express and even inform our beliefs, and we act on what we believe.  What we believe about money will impact what we do for and with it.  But if I’m starting to sound a bit too gray, fuzzy, squishy or philosophical for you, consider these more pragmatic reasons to further entertain my plea:  Those who have put money in its rightful place—out of their hearts and in their bank accounts, investments, homes, educations, businesses and service initiatives—tend to acquire more of it, spending less paying attorneys and compensating ex-spouses, ex-children, ex-friends, ex-business partners, ex-everything.  And lastly, a philosophy grounded in falsehood is eventually destined to fail.  Reason enough to reconsider yours?

Dependable People

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by Jim Stovall

The world could be divided very simply into two distinct groups of people.  There are people who you can trust to get things done, and there are people you can’t.

All of us have a myriad of things to do each day in our personal and professional lives.  How we prioritize these items and get them done on a regular basis will determine how successful we will become.  Even if you work or live by yourself, you are dependent upon other people for each of the tasks you want to accomplish on your daily list.  In some cases, you are waiting on other people to bring you the tools or information you need to move ahead.  In other cases, you are delegating responsibilities to others so that you can oversee a project or work on other aspects of it at the same time.

Recently, I went through several weeks of my daily list of tasks and realized that about 80 percent of the items I work on each day are dependent upon others.  If the people whom I had delegated items to or venders I had depended upon were totally reliable, my days would be much more free and clear than they are.

Recently, I was talking to a friend about a business professional he was dealing with on a project.  He had glowing recommendations for this individual.  As he told me the story, it basically boiled down to the fact that he had arranged to have this person perform a job in a certain way, with a particular budget, with a definite deadline.  The person he was praising had, indeed, done what he said he was going to do, within the allotted time, and within the prescribed budget.

It is sad to realize that in the world we live in today, if you do what you say you’re going to do, in a reliable and dependable fashion, it becomes noteworthy, and you become legendary among your customers or circle of influence.

As you move toward your goals and objectives in life, seek to surround yourself with people whom you can depend on.  This will help you avoid the redundancy of asking someone to do something and then being forced to follow up to see if it was actually completed and done properly.

As you go through your day today, strive to be a person who is dependable and reliable, and surround yourself with people who hold themselves to the same standard.

Today’s the day!

Minimize Meetings

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by Jim Stovall

Every few days, I am asked to serve on a board or committee somewhere in the world.  I immediately reject virtually all of these requests, not because the opportunities or causes are not valid, but because many boards and committees tend to be inefficient, ineffective, and unproductive.

The lack of productivity does not come from the members of the boards or committees not being talented, committed, or dedicated.  The lack of productivity comes from the fact that boards and committees, by their very nature, exist to have regular meetings.

If we are to succeed in business or in life, we should never confuse activity with productivity.  Productivity is the constant progress toward a worthwhile goal, utilizing a well-thought-out plan.  Activity is quite simply any task that takes up time and creates work.  A hamster running around the wheel in his cage demonstrates great activity but no productivity.

I would be the first to admit there are times that a face-to-face meeting or the process of getting together a group of stakeholders is vital to success; but having the Monday morning meeting, the monthly committee session, or quarterly advisory board review are most often a recipe for wholesale ongoing activity with little chance of any meaningful productivity.

Never hold a meeting if a call will suffice, and never have a call if an email will meet your needs, and never send an email when doing nothing is likely to garner the same results.  This activity hierarchy should be used any time someone tries to corral a large portion of your productive time and turn it into a regularly-scheduled meeting which is virtually guaranteed to make you feel like the hamster running feverishly on the little wheel.

Following are some ways to stay as far toward productivity and away from activity as possible:

  • Reject all invitations to join a board or committee unless there is a specific, well-defined reason that you need to participate that will result in progress toward a meaningful goal which cannot be achieved any other way.
  • Avoid meetings by asking if you can participate via conference call or, better yet, send in your thoughts and input via email.
  • Unless otherwise compelled to do so by your employer, do not post your appointment calendar online where anyone can get to it.  Those huge blocks of unencumbered time where you were looking forward to being creative and productive can be gobbled up and commandeered by anyone in a meeting or committee frenzy.

As you go through your day today, define for yourself what is important, and avoid exchanging productivity for activity.

Today’s the day!

Real Financial Planning

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This is the last in a September series[i] that has featured guest posts from some of the most prolific bloggers and authors in the realm of money and life today.  If you missed any of them, I encourage you to revisit the wisdom Derek Sivers, Chris Guillebeau and J.D. Roth shared with us on TimMaurer.com.  And we complete this series of superstars with the person who I believe has taken the most unique approach to enhancing our understanding of personal finance—certainly the most artistic!

Carl Richards is a financial planner, blogger and the founder of the elusive Secret Society of Real Financial Planners.  Armed with a Sharpie and cardstock, Carl used his limited artistic skills to communicate some of the more complex and profound truths of financial planning and investing to clients with simple sketches.  His building body of work at www.BehaviorGap.com received more notice than he expected, and he was invited to become a regular contributor to the New York Times.  In January 2012, Portfolio/Penguin will publish Carl’s first book, Behavior Gap: Simple Ways to Stop Doing Dumb Things With Money.

Thankfully, I’ve also had the privilege of getting to know Carl personally, and through that relationship, I can certify beyond any doubt that Carl’s means, methods and message are not merely a smokescreen for attracting followers or selling books, but based on the foundational values upon which he grounds his life at work and home.  He’s been kind enough to share a sketch and a few words with us:

 It seems like making important financial decisions should be easy. After all, it’s just simple math, right? We’ve all been taught that one plus one equals two. Consequently, we often think that the process of making good financial decisions is as simple as plugging a few numbers into a spreadsheet or an online calculator. After hitting enter, we’ll have the answer.

The problem, of course, is that it doesn’t seem to be that simple. Making good financial decisions requires that we consider the implications of those decisions within the context of our lives. My life and your life do not look the same; therefore, they don’t fit into a spreadsheet.

What may be a good financial decision for me may be a disaster for you and vice versa. In my day job as a financial planner, I’m often asked by friends or people in the media, “What are you telling your clients to do now?” Recently I found myself becoming increasingly agitated by that question. Because of course the answer is, “It depends on the client you’re referring to,” because the answer will be as unique as their situation.

Real financial planning happens at the intersection of your life and your money. The problem of course is that this intersection is an emotional place. I think this is a challenge because most of us were raised with the idea that money, sex, and politics are not things that we discuss openly or in polite company.

Most of our parents felt like it was their job to protect us from the financial side of our families. We didn’t talk about money at the dinner table and chances are we didn’t talk about money at all. Our parents’ well-intentioned desire to protect their kids has left most of us ill-equipped to deal with the emotional issues that surround financial decisions and with the distinct belief that financial decisions can and should fit into a nice clean spreadsheet.

But they don’t. Dreams, fears, and our most cherished goals for our children don’t fit into a spreadsheet. Often those things are what financial decisions are really about. It’s not about finding the best investment; it’s about asking ourselves why we’re investing in the first place.

So in light of this fact, how do we go about making good financial decisions? It starts with taking the time to get really clear about where we’re trying to go and, maybe even more importantly, about why. So my suggestion is to stop watching Jim Cramer scream about nothing important and to put down the latest research report you received from the brokerage firm. Instead, take that time to have meaningful conversations with the people you love about money, your values as a family, and the kind of life you want to live together.

The subtitle of my first book was “The Intersection of Money and Life,” but I’m not sure I’ve seen anyone encapsulate it better.  Many thanks, Carl!

[i] If you missed the last couple weeks, you might not know that to celebrate the release of my new book, The Ultimate Financial Plan, co-authored with Jim Stovall, I’m featuring guest posts from some of the bloggers and writers who’ve most inspired me of late.    

ANNOUNCING…

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I am very excited to announce the release of The Ultimate Financial Plan, a book I’ve been privileged to co-author with the best-selling author of The Ultimate Gift, Jim Stovall.  The book will be released in early September, 2011 and is being published by John Wiley and Sons (Wiley), one of the world’s largest and most esteemed publishers.  The amazing story of The Ultimate Gift has continued to expand its reach both in the United States and abroad.  More than ever, the life-altering money lessons Jason Stevens learned in The Ultimate Gift beg to be reiterated.  So if you were one of the millions touched by Jim’s book or movie, you’ll find this book intuitively translates the heart of The Ultimate Gift into a personal strategy reflecting its timeless truths.  And if you’ve never been exposed to The Ultimate Gift, you’ll not be left behind in The Ultimate Financial Plan, but will instead be warmed by this more narrative approach to what can be the cold, do-this-don’t-do-that manner of most financial planning handbooks.

Spending some time with Jim and me in The Ultimate Financial Plan is sure to have a significant impact on the way you think about money. Examining the connection between actions, thoughts and feelings when it comes to all things financial, the book makes a revolutionary argument: that the key to getting the most out of personal wealth comes from the contentment found in balancing the influence of money in our lives with personal values and goals.  Through its own irresponsible actions, the behemoth financial industry has lost its centuries old claim to having the answers to our personal finances; this book only claims to be the ultimate financial plan because it’s focused intently on you.  Personal finance, after all, is more personal than it is finance.

Financial tools—like budgets, bank accounts, 401(k)s, IRAs, education savings plans and real estate—can play a major role in helping us generate the money we want, but real value comes from investments in our knowledge and understanding, which lead to purpose-filled careers, sleep-at-night security, artistic endeavors, creative philanthropy, fulfilled retirements and meaningful legacies.

And as you’ve probably noticed, the backdrop of TimMaurer.com has received a major upgrade.  The site not only looks better, but also has more to offer.  All previous TimMaurer.com posts, including the “90 Second Finance” video series, have been transferred to the new site and can be accessed by using the search bar or glancing through the “Find Your Topic” tool.  But additionally, we’re bringing the best of The Ultimate Financial Plan to TimMaurer.com.  The Timely Applications, found at the end of each chapter to aid you in the process of everything from articulating your values and goals to determining the appropriateness of a mutual fund or life insurance policy, are housed here on the site.  They’re free for you to download and available to all TimMaurer.com readers, and you can find them by clicking the Timely Apps tab.  And as an added bonus, my co-author, Jim Stovall, is contributing his weekly syndicated column, Winner’s Wisdom, and sharing some classic videos from his speaking engagements.

If you’re interested in pre-ordering the book, you can do so by clicking HERE, or you’ll find it available at book stores, online retailers and even as an e-book for Kindle and Nook the first week of September.

Or, if you’d like to do some more research, click below:

The Seamless Life

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If you noticed my conspicuous silence over the past couple weeks, it was because I went on a family vacation that was largely "unplugged."  Just prior, I contributed a short post including a handful of facts regarding the amount of time we spend working during our lifetimes (101,568 hours, to be exact) with an equal number of questions posed to you.  Through the blog comments, Tweets, Facebook mentions and emails in response, a number of very interesting thoughts were raised.

You better like what you do!

Work_life_balance_sign2 One reader summed it up simply saying, “Work hard and play hard!”  Another, Greg Rittler, quoted a wise mentor of his: “You spend 50% of your time and 80% of your energy at work—you better like what you do!” 

Indeed, it seems many people with options at their disposal deem the pursuit of a vocation about which they are passionate (the advice of another reader, Nathan Gehring) either a myth or an unworthy aim.  Why is that?  Do we rank stability or comfort or perceived safety above a path more meaningful to us?  In short, yes.  Even my college students—around 40 accounting majors each semester—rank job security as the number one reason for their chosen professions in an informal survey I conduct each semester.  They haven’t even graduated yet, and they’ve already shelved their dream job for job security!?

One thoughtful reader, Brian, described my initial post as depressing; and rightly so if we view our time working only as a facilitator of those moments spent outside of work.  Interestingly, he described his current job (online trading) as something separate from the path of a “real job,” already lamenting the time when he may be forced to re-enter in the “rat race.” 

We live a life with too many seams.

And herein lies the fundamental dilemma at the core of this discussion of purpose and passion in our vocations—we live a life with too many seams.  Work vs. Life.  Work vs. Family.  Work vs. Faith.  Family vs. Friends.  Family vs. Service.  (You get the idea.)

I recently conducted a client meeting in which I may have received more wisdom than I was able to impart.  I met with a married couple, each spouse in their 70s.  When broached with the topic of retirement, they both viewed it as an unattractive, if not foreign, concept.  This is not because they absolutely need the money (although it doesn’t hurt, of course), but because their vocations are simply an extension of who they are.  Mrs. Client is an educator—both by personality and profession—endowing generations of college students with her wealth of knowledge and life experience.  Mr. Client leads an entity providing an incredibly valuable community service to the city he calls home.  What greater purpose could they serve retiring, prior to health forcing an occupational retreat?

There was a time in my life when I was acting as many different people.  At home, I was one person.  At school, I was another, and at work, yet another.  With friends from school, I acted a certain way and with friends from church I was different, and so on.  This was followed by an extended period of rebellion, during which I practically sought to disappoint or offend each various crowd with actions contrary to their standards or expectations (I “can’t wait” for my boys to go through that stage!). 

Reconciliation

The last 12 (or so) years, I’ve been attempting to reconcile who I am with what I do, what I say, and how I do it and say it.  Yes, that means I’ve walked away from several different companies and career paths—some because they changed or I became more aware, but also because I changed.  Of course, after 12 years of that daily pursuit, I’m still a green novice, but I’m buoyed by those who live an unabashed life and inspire others to do the same.  (Check out Chris Guillebeau, Michael Hyatt, Seth Godin, Gary Vaynerchuk, Donald Miller, Leo Babauta, Derek Sivers, Tim Ferriss, Carl Richards, Rob Bell , Pat Goodman, and Jim Stovall, among MANY others, all focused from their own unique perspective on the truth that life is best lived honestly and deliberately.)

Mine is a biased perspective and I have an unfair advantage—my boss, Drew Tignanelli, is also a friend and mentor who is a student of personality distinctions.  He understands me so well that he expects and welcomes my unpredictable evolution.  He’s created an environment in which both employees and our company benefit when circumstances or people change.  If you’re an employer, I urge you to foster such an environment, and if you’re an employee, I encourage you to seek an employer that rewards (and not stifles) creativity and growth…or create it yourself. 

But one friend reminded me that while many people may have the choice of diverging from their original career plans for something more fulfilling, others don’t have that option available, due to a lack of means or ability.  What should they do? To those unable to take that genuine leap of faith in a revelatory moment, I recommend taking just one step in the direction of that which draws you closer to a seamless life, and then follow it with another…and another…      

Announcement coming next week!

In next week’s post, I’ll be making a big announcement that will coincide with an entirely new look for TimMaurer.com.  I hope you’ll check in!

 

101,568 (My shortest blog post yet)

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46 hours per week.i

Multiplied by 48 weeks per year.ii

Multiplied by 46 years.iii

Equals 101,568 hours that you’ll likely spend working in this lifetime.

So, between the ages of 21 and 67 (we’ll call that your working years although most start earlier and stop later), you’ll spend over 50% of your discretionary hoursiv working.

What implications does that have?

What is the purpose of the time you spend working?

How about the other half of your time?

Where does this fit into your financial plan?

How does your financial plan conform to your goals for work and life?

(Your answers to these questions will be subject of next week’s blog post.)

(Please comment!)

__________________________________

iWho actually works a 40 hour week?

iiLet’s say four weeks between vacation and holidays.

iiiThe difference between age 67 (considered by Social Security to be “Full Retirement Age” for most Baby Boomers and younger) and age 21 is 46 years.

ivDiscretionary = time NOT sleeping (8), eating (2), bathing and dressing (1) and driving (1) or 12 per day for 46 years

Money, Romance and the Fundamental Attribution Error

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(AKA An attempt at a non-clichéd Valentine’s post)

Heart money Question:  What percentage of marriages in the U.S. end in divorce?

Answer:  Over 50%

Question:  What percentage of those cite money issues as the primary reason for the split?

Answer:  Over 50%

It doesn’t take a statistician to hypothesize that money is the foremost source of relational dysfunction.  Or, maybe it’s the primary scapegoat or symptom.  That distinction is largely irrelevant because in either case, the common denominator is money.  And even though we’re dealing with the dollars and cents of money constantly, have you ever noticed that we don’t talk much about our philosophy surrounding money or our history with money or even our feelings about money?

Enter the sexy topic of “fundamental attribution error.”  Here’s a definition I found in Wikipedia:

In social psychology, the fundamental attribution error (also known as correspondence bias or attribution effect) describes the tendency to over-value dispositional or personality-based explanations for the observed behaviors of others while under-valuing situational explanations for those behaviors.

Clear as mud, eh?  Here’s the idea:  We have a tendency to presume that the bad things that happen to us are circumstantial—that we’re an innocent bystander subject to the undeserved malevolence of the universe —and that the bad things that happen to other people are due to a lack of responsibility on their part or even their character.  That’s why when you cut someone off driving, you were obviously in a hurry to do something very important (and late for no fault of your own) and when someone on the road cuts you off, they were obviously just an idiot trampling on your God-given traffic rights. (Sarcasm intended.)

Thankfully, fundamental attribution error never takes place in our marriages and relationships with boyfriends and girlfriends.  And never regarding the topic of money!  (Intense sarcasm intended.)  That’s why, at our very worst, we believe that our beloved is a spendthrift who obviously wasn’t properly reared to understand the value of money while we are disciplined, frugal and wise in the ways of fiscal matters.  Or, we believe that our soul mate is a miser whose parents were just plain cheap while we hold money loosely, recognizing its relative unimportance in the face of deepening relationships.  Right. 

Personal Money Story

So, in the spirit of Saint Hallmark—I mean, Valentine—I’m going to recommend an exercise that will teach you about… you… and then about your spouse.  It’s called the Personal Money Story.  You start by thinking of the earliest possible memory you have about money.  Maybe you received an allowance, a birthday gift of money or opened a bank account for the first time.  Then you rate that experience on a scale of up to 10 if it was a very positive experience all the way down to -10 if it was a bad one.  Then try to remember each of the experiences with money that left a meaningful impression and give them a score.  All of the memories are important—no matter if they were minor (having your bike stolen and not having the money to purchase another) or major (Job loss of a parent that forced you to move).

If you are able to plot each of those experiences on a graph, you’ll get a great visualization of your history with money (fear not, we’ve created a functioning spreadsheet and graph with instructions).  That’s important, because that history is likely the primary determinant of how you view and deal with money today.  You’ll probably learn something about yourself, but hearing and seeing the Personal Money Story of your loved one can be a life-changing experience.  He or she certainly has made good and bad decisions surrounding money, to varying degrees, but you’ll now likely also see how his or her past experiences shaped those decisions.  You’ll have the opportunity to reverse the negative effects of fundamental attribution error and properly weigh the circumstances that shaped your spouse or loved one.  This sharing can also lead to the vision casting question of, “OK, how do WE want to handle money—together?”

You can link directly to a functioning Personal Money Story spreadsheet and graph that will allow you to enter your money events and corresponding scores and watch the graph populate by clicking HERE.

Question: Is Valentine’s Day a romantic holiday that brings couples closer together OR a manipulative trap set up by the card, flower and jewelry industries?

Answer: It doesn’t matter.

In today’s hyper-technologically-connected-but-not-in-reality world, we couples need all the help we can get to generate purposeful, deliberate opportunities to grow our relationships.  In a virtual world of email, Facebook, TiVo and Twitter (all useful tools), it seems to be a growing challenge to engage in the antiquated art of conversation.   Throw children and their accompanying activities into the mix and it seems that 95% of the correspondence between man and wife is utilitarian in nature.  I won’t go so far as to suggest you and your loved one spend Valentine’s Day discussing fundamental attribution error or even swapping Personal Money Stories, but taking the bold step into this territory and really applying yourself intentionally to the process is guaranteed to have meaningful, positive results.

State Of The…

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President-Barack-Obama-State-Of-The-Union-Address-PHOTOS Did you watch President Obama’s recent State of the Union address?  What did you think?    I’m not asking whether you liked the color of his tie or enjoyed seeing Vice President Biden and newly elected Speaker of the House John Boehner try to suppress their disdain for each other on camera.  I’m curious what you thought about the speech’s content and substance.  Mine is not a political question—asking if you agreed with the President’s stances on this-or-that—but a probe to determine if you feel the topics in the speech were meaningful.    He touched on:

  • High unemployment
  • The depressed housing market
  • The sluggish economy
  • Two wars
  • The national debt
  • The sovereign debt crisis in Europe
  • North Korea’s nuclear ambitions

Few of us would argue that these are not vitally important issues, but which do you think has a bigger impact on your life—The State of THE Union or the State of YOUR Union?

Whether you acknowledge it or not, you’re an entity.  You and your spouse (if you you’re married) and your children (if you’re a parent) are certainly beholden to other entities, like cities, states and countries, but you also enjoy a great deal of sovereignty.  You decide where to live, what to eat, whom to befriend and marry, how to derive an income and how to spend it.  But interestingly, we tend to spend more time bemoaning the action and inaction of those with less of a direct influence in our lives—bosses, legislators and Presidents—than those who most directly impact our lives…US.

I seek not to minimize the importance of the State of the Union address (even though it seems more like political gymnastics these days, regardless of the party affiliation of the deliverer) and certainly not the actual state of our great country, but to elevate and affirm the most powerful leaders in our respective realms—YOU and ME.  Your entity needs you to be actively involved in the process of gauging its state, crafting its vision for the future and moving in the direction of that vision.

The first step in effectively leading the “Democratic Republic of You” is to simply be honest with yourself.  This, of course, is where we must deviate from the political analogy, because we do ourselves no good whatsoever to spin our current reality into something shapelier than it is.  Each of us is uniquely made, and we only distance ourselves further from fulfillment when we attempt to prove otherwise.

The most common way I see this play out is in the educational paths we take and the career choices we make (topics I’ll be discussing in the next couple of weeks), but I’d like to ask you to take 5 minutes to complete an exercise right now.  It’s very simple and it works wonders to help us analyze our current state.  You need only one piece of paper with a line down the middle (see the sample below).  On the left hand side, you write LIFE TAKING and on the right side you write LIFE GIVING. Those things that fill the Life Taking column are the roles (or tasks within roles) that drain you.  They’re a chore, not a labor of love.  On the Life Giving side, list the opposite—those things you can do for eight or ten hours in a day and wonder where the time has gone.  You might be tired after a long day of Life Giving activities, but you don’t feel weariness; instead, a great deal of satisfaction.

TORN PAGE
Looking over this list, you’ll be able to honestly answer whether the state of you or your family is good, or not.  The optimal end result is not to eliminate all of the things that drain you and replace them with the stuff you love, but if the majority of your roles and the duties you’ve accepted as yours are Life Taking, I encourage you to consider making some difficult decisions in an effort to improve that ratio.  That may mean saying yes to something, but it almost certainly means saying no.  Next week, I’ll share how this type of analysis can be used to give us much needed direction in our educational and vocational pursuits.

If you want to get started on listing these out for yourself, I have provided a downloadable version of exercise right here:  Download Life Taking, Life Giving – BLANK.

And if you need a little levity to warm up to this exercise, take a look at Saturday Night Live’s take on the 2010 State of the Union address.

 

Simplicity Overdose

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Decisions The other night I got together for a drink with a good friend to pause and reflect on our lives… especially how we can best serve our families and vocational missions.  He’s an excellent listener and a graceful inquisitor with a tendency to ask the kinds of questions that lead me towards meaningful realizations and occasional revelations.  As I was answering one of those probing questions, I realized that I’ve spent the last couple years yearning for a greater level of peace in my life through simplicity.  I’ve read books and blogs on the subject and asked mentors and gurus how they have and have not found this peace in their own lives.  But despite (or maybe because of) my vigorous search, I’ve taken very few steps in benefiting from any of the wisdom I’ve internalized.  Why?  It appears that I am at risk of reaching the point of “analysis paralysis” regarding simplicity.  How ironic—a simplicity overdose!

How often do you think that we reach a superficial level of satisfaction in some area of our lives—our job, family, health, finances or education—simply because we have improved our understanding intellectually in that arena?  I see this often in my vocation…  Individuals and couples breathe a huge sigh of relief after they consume a comprehensive list of recommendations.  But this false sense of security decries the reality that it’s not until they implement the recommendations that a tangible benefit will be derived.  In my case, I’ve concluded that the glimpse of a future benefit from a more simple approach to life is actually preventing me from gaining that tangible peace I seek.

Yes, there is inherent value in knowing and understanding what we need to do to improve an area of our lives.  Without that recognition, positive change is only incidental or accidental.  But the benefit of knowledge and understanding is diminished nearly to the point of irrelevance when not accompanied by tangible, deliberate action.  So in keeping with my simplicity resolution, I’ll subvert the urge to suggest, say, “three steps” towards benefiting from this particular insight and give only one: Know LESS; Do MORE.  (… or was that two?)